Category: Self Help

Pool Rafts and Emotions

“It is not what I have been through in my life that defines who I am, it’s how I got through it that has made me the person I am today”-Unknown

How many of us are willing to accept all of the experiences we’ve had?  The good?  The Bad? The Ugly?  No, I am not digressing to conversation about Clint Eastwood movies here-sorry; would have saved you some pain, huh?  The truth is that in order to function from day-to-day we often block things that are painful only to be smacked in the face by a memory that comes rushing to the surface when it is triggered by a present circumstance.  “Oh, yeah….I remember that happened,” a tiny voice in our head whispers. “gulp”.

I like to describe this phenomenon of pushing down painful experiences by using the “clinically sophisticated” metaphor of the inflatable pool raft.  You know the kind?  The ones that are big and puffy, usually silver.  You try so hard to get on top of them, pushing them down into the water so you can relax comfortably.  Trouble is, they keep popping up and usually knock you off a few times before you are successful.  If you do get comfy, its not a stable situation, is it?  Your brother comes along, or your cousin, wife-whoever,  and tips you right off of it-into the water.  Now you are back at square one.  Dealing with those raw emotions all over again.  Does this resonate with you?  It is a strategy referred to as suppression.

So what if I told you that there was a way to conquer the inflatable pool raft of emotions that does not include taking a running leap off the side of the pool to land squarely in the center? (good luck with that)  Recent research has shown that when we are triggered to recall painful memories, choosing to focus on the context of the situation, rather than the emotions that we felt, has the possibility of “lessening the severity of a negative memory with prolonged use” (Beckman.ilinois.edu) For example, instead of recalling how sad you were at a friend’s funeral, think about the context: how beautiful the flowers were, the minister’s uplifting eulogy, what outfit you wore, who accompanied you…etc.  These  thoughts help to form different neural pathways in your brain that become associated with the event and help train your mind to go to the context of the memory rather than the emotion as time goes on.  You’re not wiping away the experience, you are reframing it.  Think of it as a “mindful memory”.  You are grounding yourself.

It’s true, that what we have experienced makes us who we are.  This, however, does not mean that we need to relive the pain.  We can go forward with hope and happiness while not having to worry about pushing down that raft.  We can let the air out a bit and make it more manageable.

Much love,

Christy~*

 

3 Keys to Happiness in Daily Life

It doesn’t take a whole new routine to instill a dose of happiness into your day—but it does take a little self awareness.

1. Be grateful for the good & the bad.

Research shows, grateful people are happy people. It’s also important to understand that happiness is not the absence of negative feelings. Gratitude is a focus on the present and appreciation for what we have now, rather than wanting more. Embracing gratitude, as a state of mind, can have a positive affect on all aspects of life including our happiness and overall satisfaction.

Up your mood by taking a moment daily to think of your world with gratitude. Start a gratitude journal or take a walk in nature paying attention to all the gifts around us. Think of a person that helps you on a daily or weekly basis – a spouse, parent, friend, pet, teacher, cleaner, or babysitter.

Quiz: How grateful are you? Take the Gratitude Quiz published by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

2. Flex your creativity muscles.

Do you have a passion or hobby? It doesn’t have to be a formal activity, simply engaging in creative thinking can enhance well-being by enhancing cognitive flexibility and problem-solving abilities. A recent study out of New Zealand, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology explains that creative activities can trigger an “upward spiral” of well-being.

“Practicing an art — no matter how well or badly — is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.” – Kurt Vonnegut.

Make some space in your day to create, even if it’s just for the sake of it. Try exploring unique textures or even natural and recycled materials to make something for your home or a friend. Looking for some tips on how to add more creativity into your daily life? Read this list of 101 creative habits to explore.

3. Get connected, Stay connected.

Being apart of something larger than yourself can help bring perspective as well as a sense of belonging. Scientific evidence strongly suggests that feeling like you belong and generally feel close to other people is a core psychological need; essential to feeling satisfied with your life. The pleasures of social life register in our brains much the same way physical pleasure does.

So take the time to nurture a friendship that is important to you. Make an extra effort to show you care, send a card, make a plan to have lunch, or give them a call and really listen to what they say. Smile and say hello to a stranger. Tell a story when someone asks how your day is going. Notice how you feel when you share something with someone new.

Struggling and need support? Join a support group and talk to others that can relate. Find your tribe: support.therapytribe.com – a free online support community brought to you by TherapyTribe.

TherapyTribe - Wellness Tracker Tip: Check out the wellness tracker. It’s a simple but powerful tool designed to help you remember the promises you make to yourself. As you complete wellness activities your tree will blossom, and so will you!

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